speechless...

true life is full with ups and down. and im having one of the down moments..
but Allah clearly said that

Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people."(al-Baqarah-286)

Listen, Im no alim alrite. im not a very nice person also. ive been such a jerk to so many people before and i realise my mistake. yes.. and im sorry

and throughout changing, ive got the side effect of it. for those who hope for that, i got it dy.

but im changing bit by bit now. and im trying to be better. and everyone noe, no one get wat they wan easily. so thats why here is my down.

but the biggest issue is,, i dun really noe is ill ever gonna survive this one. its to hard to bear alone. peope keep saying dat Allah is there for you for every step of the way and i noe. but, for a new beginner like me, its likely possible to stray away from HIM sumtimes..

and i know its not HIS foult.. its mine..

i juz hope dat dis ramadhan really help me through this..